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The 88 decisions that must be made when someone dies

When someone dies, there are at least 88 decisions and action steps that need to be handled by survivors. Many of the decisions can be made in advance, which is why making prearranged funeral or cremation plans can be so helpful.

Gathering Information  The first set of tasks involves gathering basic information known as vital statistics. This information is needed for burial and cremation permits, and filing the death certificate with the State. A death certificate must be issued before matters of an estate can be handled. This information needs to be carefully verified and provided to the funeral home, who will submit the information to the State and secure the death certificates for you.

Notifications  You will want to notify a number of people as soon as possible when a loved one dies, including relatives, doctors, the funeral home and cemetery, your loved one’s friends, employer, and professionals like their insurance agent, attorney and accountant or executor of the estate. Additionally, it is good to notify any organizations they belonged to, and if you can access their social media accounts, you may put out a message there as well. Having these individuals and organization written down in one place ahead of time makes this project much easier.

Funeral Arrangements  After you select a funeral home, there will be many decisions to make concerning services and memorials. This includes the location and time of the visitation and ceremony, and the order and components of the service, including those who will speak or perform, special music or readings, flowers, military funeral honors, etc. You will also select merchandise such as a casket, urn or vault. The funeral director will help you write an obituary about your loved one’s life for the newspaper and/or sharing online. Additionally, you can select a charitable organization to receive memorial donations in your loved one’s memory. Cemetery arrangements will also need to be made concerning burial or inurnment.

Hospitality  If you have family members and friends traveling in for the services, there will be a number of things to coordinate with them, including lodging, transportation, meals and childcare. You will no doubt receive many phone calls, cards and social media messages of support, so you will want to keep track of these and respond when you are able.

On the day of the visitation and services, you will meet with the funeral home staff to ensure that everything is ready and then receive your guests. After services conclude, you may have additional hospitality activities related to family and friends who have gathered.

Financial Matters  There will be financial matters to settle with the funeral home, cemetery (if applicable) and others who assist with the services, including officiants, musicians, florists and caterers. In addition, your loved one may have mortgage payments, auto loans, phone and utility bills, healthcare expenses and other financial matters to settle, which can take some time. You will need to collect additional documents, noted below, to establish your right to make decisions related to property and benefits.

If this all sounds overwhelming, it definitely can be. That is why we recommend planning out as much in advance as possible. You don’t have to wait until you are elderly or ill to make these plans – it is really never too early to get started. Once you get the basics established, it is simple to update your information when life circumstances or your preferences change.

Below is the full list of the 88 Decisions that must be made when someone dies. As we mentioned, many of these matters can be handled in advance, and you will find these noted with an asterisk. Please give us a call today to see how we can help you create an advance funeral or cremation plan. Funding options are available, or you can simply make a written record of your wishes. We are always here to help.

I. Secure Vital Statistics (Required for burial permit)

*1. ____Name, home address and telephone number

*2. ____How long in state

*3. ____Name of business, address and telephone number

*4. ____Occupation and title

*5. ____Social Security number

*6. ____War Veterans Serial number

*7. ____Date of Birth

*8. ____Place of Birth

*9. ____Citizenship

*10. ____Father’s name

*11. ____Father’s birthplace

*12. ____Mother’s maiden name

*13. ____Mother’s birthplace

*14. ____Religious name (if any)


II. Pay Some or All of the Following

*15. ____Family burial estate

*16. ____Memorials

*17. ____Funeral home

*18. ____Interment service

 19. ____Clergy

 20. ____Florist

 21. ____Clothing

 22. ____Transportation

 23. ____Telephone bill

 24. ____Food

 25. ____Doctors’ bills

 26. ____Home healthcare bills

 27. ____Hospital and ambulance bills

 28. ____Medicine and drug bills

 29. ____Other current and urgent bills (mortgage or rent, taxes, installment payments)


III. Collect Documents (Required to establish rights for insurance, pensions, social security, ownership, relationship, etc.)

*30. ____Will

*31. ____Legal proof of age or birth certificate

*32. ____Social Security card or number

*33. ____Marriage license

*34. ____Citizenship papers

*35. ____Insurance policies (life, health and accident, property)

*36. ____Bank books

*37. ____Deeds to property

*38. ____Bill of sale of car

*39. ____Income tax returns, receipts or canceled checks

*40. ____Veterans discharge certificate

*41. ____Disability claims

*42. ____Cemetery Certificate of Ownership


IV. Decisions and Arrangements

*43. ____Select funeral home

*44. ____Choose funeral service and burial/cremation options

*45. ____Select burial estate location and which space to open

*46. ____Choose memorial type and inscription

*47. ____Select casket and/or urn type

*48. ____Select clothing for deceased

*49. ____Choose vault or sectional crypt

*50. ____Select type of service (religious, military, fraternal)

*51. ____Choose special selection from scriptures

 52. ____Select clergy to officiate

*53. ____Select place where service is to be held

 54. ____Select time for funeral service

*55. ____Decide charitable organization to which donations are suggested in memory of deceased

 56. ____Provide information for eulogy

*57. ____Select pallbearers

 58. ____Select flowers

*59. ____Select music

 60. ____Choose clothing for family

 61. ____Prepare at home, including food for family and guests

 62. ____Obtain extra chairs

 63. ____Arrange transportation for family and guests, including planning funeral car list

 64. ____Check and sign necessary papers for burial permit

*65. ____Provide vital statistics about deceased to funeral home

*66. ____Provide addresses and telephone numbers for relatives and friends

 67. ____Answer innumerable sympathetic phone calls, messages, cards and letters

 68. ____Meet and talk with funeral director, cemetery representative and clergy

 69. ____Greet all friends and relatives who call

 70. ____Arrange for meeting relatives who arrive from out-of-town at airport

 71. ____Provide lodging for out-of-town relatives and friends

 72. ____Make list of callers and floral tributes sent for mailing cards of thanks

*73. ____Arrange for special religious services

*74. ____Check will regarding special wishes

 75. ____Order death certificate

 76. ____Look after children


V. Notify As Soon As Possible

 77. ____Doctor or doctors

 78. ____Funeral home

 79. ____Cemetery

 80. ____All relatives

 81. ____All friends

 82. ____Employer of deceased

 83. ____Employers of family members missing work

 84. ____Pallbearers

 85. ____Insurance agents (life, health and accident)

 86. ____Religious, fraternal, civic, veterans organizations, unions and deceased’s social media accounts

 87. ____Newspapers regarding notices

 88. ____Attorney, accountant or executor of estate

A white candle and a white flower on a wooden table.

Funeral Etiquette: A Guide to Paying Respects

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Funerals are deeply emotional events, offering a chance for friends and family to mourn their loss and celebrate the life of a loved one.
A white flower and a lit candle on a wooden table.

Honoring a loved one on their death anniversary

12 Jul, 2024
Performing acts of kindness in your loved one's name is a beautiful way to honor their memory. Whether it's volunteering, donating to a charity they cared about, or simply helping someone in need, these acts can create a positive impact in their honor. Visit a Place of Significance Spending time at a location that held significance for your loved one can be a profound way to feel close to them. This could be a park they loved, a beach they frequented, or any place that brings back cherished memories. Create a Memory Box or Scrapbook Collecting photos, letters, and mementos into a memory box or scrapbook can be a therapeutic way to keep their memory alive. This personal collection can be revisited each year, allowing you to reflect on the good times and keep their spirit close. Plant a Tree or Garden Planting a tree or dedicating a garden in their memory creates a living tribute that grows and thrives over time. This act not only commemorates their life but also contributes to the environment, symbolizing life and growth. Host a Memorial Event or Fundraiser Organizing an event or fundraiser in their name can both honor their memory and support a cause they were passionate about. This could be a walk, run, or a simple gathering where donations are collected for a chosen charity. Write a Letter Writing a letter to your loved one can be a powerful way to express your feelings and maintain a sense of connection. Share your thoughts, updates about your life, and reflections on their impact. This can be kept in a special place or read aloud at a memorial gathering. Engage in a Hobby or Activity They Loved Participating in an activity that your loved one enjoyed can be a meaningful way to feel close to them. Whether it’s cooking their favorite recipe, listening to their favorite music, or continuing a hobby they were passionate about, these actions help keep their spirit alive in your daily life. Use Social Media to Share Memories Social media platforms can be a modern way to share memories and connect with others who are also remembering your loved one. Posting photos, stories, or a simple tribute can create a virtual space for and celebration. Remembering a loved one on the anniversary of their death is a deeply personal and meaningful act. Whether through quiet reflection, collective remembrance, or acts of kindness, each gesture honors their legacy and keeps their memory alive. The most important thing is to choose what feels right for you, allowing yourself the space to grieve and celebrate in a way that brings comfort and peace.

Honoring a Lost Loved One at Your Wedding

11 Jun, 2024
A wedding is a joyous celebration of love and union, but it can also be bittersweet when a beloved family member or friend is no longer with us to share in the moment. Honoring a deceased loved one at your wedding is a beautiful way to keep their memory alive and include them in your special day. Here are some heartfelt ideas to consider. Reserved Seat Set a seat at the ceremony reserved in their honor. Decorate it with a flower, a framed photo, or a personal item that belonged to them. This gesture creates a tangible presence and acknowledges their importance in your life. Incorporate Their Favorite Flowers Include their favorite flowers in your bouquet, boutonnieres, or centerpieces. This subtle yet meaningful detail can bring a sense of connection and remind you of their love and personality. Memory Table Create a memory table featuring photos, keepsakes, and mementos of your loved one. This dedicated space allows guests to remember and celebrate their life. You can also include a guest book for attendees to share their memories and thoughts. Light a Candle Light a candle in their memory during the ceremony or reception. This simple act symbolizes their spirit and the light they brought into your life. You might also ask close family members to join in lighting the candle, making it a communal moment of remembrance. Play Their Favorite Song Incorporate their favorite song into the ceremony or reception playlist. Whether it’s a song they loved or one that reminds you of them, this musical tribute can evoke cherished memories and bring a sense of closeness. Wear Something of Theirs Wear a piece of jewelry, a handkerchief, or another personal item that belonged to them. This intimate way of honoring their memory keeps them close to you throughout your special day. Share a Special Reading or Poem During the ceremony, have a family member or friend read a poem, scripture, or passage that was significant to your loved one. This can be a poignant way to include their voice and values in your wedding. Personal Vows or Toast In your vows or during a toast, share a personal story or mention how your loved one influenced your life and relationship. This heartfelt acknowledgment can be a powerful tribute to their lasting impact. Memory Charms or Tokens Attach memory charms or tokens to your bouquet, boutonniere, or clothing. These small, discreet items can carry a profound sense of connection and remembrance. Honoring a deceased loved one at your wedding is a deeply personal and meaningful way to include their memory in your celebration. Whether through a reserved seat, a memory table, or a simple candle lighting, these gestures can help you feel their presence and share their spirit with your guests. Remember, it’s the love and memories you hold that truly make these moments special. 

Common Songs in Funeral Services

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In moments of grief and loss, music has a unique ability to comfort and console, offering solace when words fail. Funeral services often harness the power of music to evoke memories, express emotions, and honor the life of the departed. Across cultures and traditions, certain songs have become emblematic choices for these solemn occasions. Let's explore some of the most common songs that resonate deeply within funeral services. "Amazing Grace" Dating back to the 18th century, "Amazing Grace" has transcended its origins as a Christian hymn to become a universal anthem of solace and redemption. It’s simple yet profound lyrics, coupled with a hauntingly beautiful melody, make it a timeless choice for funerals, offering a message of hope and divine mercy in the face of mortality. "Hallelujah" by Leonard Cohen Leonard Cohen's masterpiece, "Hallelujah," is a poignant meditation on love, loss, and the human condition. This song has found resonance in funeral services worldwide, its verses reflecting the complexity of emotions experienced in times of mourning and remembrance. "Over the Rainbow" by Israel Kamakawiwo?ole Israel Kamakawiwo?ole's soulful rendition of "Over the Rainbow" has become synonymous with peace and tranquility, making it a popular choice for funerals. Its gentle ukulele accompaniment and soothing vocals offer a sense of comfort and nostalgia, inviting listeners to envision a world beyond earthly sorrows. "My Way" by Frank Sinatra Frank Sinatra's iconic anthem, "My Way," embodies the spirit of individuality and self-determination. Often chosen to commemorate a life lived on one's own terms, this song celebrates personal triumphs and reflects on the journey of a loved one who embraced life with courage and conviction. "Time to Say Goodbye" by Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman With its soaring operatic vocals and sweeping orchestration, "Time to Say Goodbye" captures the bittersweet essence of parting. Originally performed as a duet by Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman, this poignant ballad resonates deeply in funeral services, offering a poignant farewell to cherished loved ones. "Ave Maria" by Franz Schubert Franz Schubert's "Ave Maria" is a timeless invocation of divine grace and comfort. Its serene melody and sacred lyrics have made it a staple of funeral services, offering solace and spiritual reassurance to those grieving the loss of a loved one. "Wind Beneath My Wings" by Bette Midler Bette Midler's heartfelt tribute, "Wind Beneath My Wings," celebrates the profound impact of a loved one's support and guidance. Often chosen to honor the memory of parents, mentors, or friends, this song acknowledges the selfless acts of love that uplift and inspire us. In the tapestry of funeral services, these songs serve as poignant reminders of love, loss, and the enduring power of music to heal and uplift the human spirit. Whether through hymns of faith, soul-stirring ballads, or heartfelt tributes, these melodies offer solace and comfort to those bidding farewell to cherished loved ones, their echoes lingering long after the final notes have faded away.
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